Poser Says Truth

Trial

2008-12-08T15:43:00.003+08:00

Isang buong araw kita inintay
Hindi, isang linggo pa

Lagi kong iniisip kung tama ba na isipin kita. Pero sa totoo lang, ayoko na sana e. Kasi ang gulo pa ng lahat ng bagay ngayon. Ito na naman ako, pumapasok sa walang kasiguruhang bagay. Sa bagay na sa huli, baka umasa lang ako, ulit.

Ang hilig ko talaga umasa sa mga bagay no? Ito ata yung epekto ng pagiging romantic- umaasa sa signs, sa horoscope. Lahat ng bagay binibigyan ng kahulugan, maski hindi naman dapat. Bakit kaya ganun? Siguro nasobrahan ako ng love stories. Kasi nung bata ako, naniwala ako sa "boy- meets- girl, they fall in love, and lived happily ever after" Sa mga kwento kasing ganyan, nagkakatuluyan ang mga bida maski may kontrabida sa love story nila... ika nga, True Love shall prevail.

But does it prevail, all the time?

Nung Sabado, naalala mo? Nagkita tayo. Nagkataon ba? Hindi. Kasi ang totoo n'yan, umupo talaga kami dun, sa pav na yun, kasi alam ko na dadaan ka dun. Inintay kita, isa, dalawa, tatlong oras. Nagpabali- balik, nagpalinga- linga. Umasa.

At hindi ako nabigo, kasi dumaan ka. Dumating kang nakangiti. Dahil ba nakita mo ako? Dahil ba natawa ka sa mga batang nagsabi sa' yo na "I Love you daw sabi ni Ate" o dahil nagtataka ka kung bakit kami nandun? Kung ano man ang dahilan ng pagngiti mo, natutuwa ako. Dahil sa isang buong linggo ng paghihintay, napawi lahat ng pagod ko ng makita kita.

Sana lagi kitang makita. Para masaya.

Fragmented Sentences

2008-06-07T14:38:00.000+08:00

There is an unwavering desire
to put something on this
piece.
My mind searches, the pen moves
But what comes with this?
Nothing.
The push to pursue
Has not dwindled
but my thoughts are messed up
I can't seem to create words
With letters in my mind
All I know, I wanted
to put something on this
piece.

Snippets

2008-06-01T13:49:00.003+08:00

This is what I have for weeks.
Untitled poems for one

frenzy caused by this bewilderment
was ended
with a question of forever
though everything's
just starting
I see a future.
laid infront of me, are choices
in an instant, I chose
what seemed right, for ever
felt sure, of how I felt
I feel happy, I admit
sealed with a kiss
you and I
together at last.

***

how will I know
what echoes in your heart
if words, even the words
are not spoken?
will days go on like this
without in reality
mouthing what your
mind and heart speak?
tell me not
apologizing for the absence
of three
asking and eternally wondering
if love is more than words,
but feelings.

Uncertainty

2008-05-02T15:57:00.000+08:00

Unknown bothers
me, my thoughts
I tried to scan, whatever
I can remember, there is
uncertainty, I can
feel my heart beating
faster and faster
as days draw to their end, I
wait, reminded by the remnants
of the past, I try
to hold, but I can't seem to reach
the end.
The uncertainty
quivers, slowly
I am
giving up.

Broken.

2008-04-15T16:41:00.001+08:00

am I not meant for happiness?
the curve line seems so wrong
in events like this.
is it?
You can be miserable if you want to.
But not
me.

Number Play

2008-04-13T11:35:00.000+08:00

7
22
in
21
met
18
good
19
bad.
why?
7
missing.
wanting to
12.48
confused.

why?

7
not enough.
24
7
not enough
count from
1
to infinity
maybe
better.

9+4=0

***

Follow what your mind tells your heart and what your heart asks your mind.
- Tres Gorrez

QWERTYUIOP

2008-04-10T12:58:00.002+08:00

cold
hair raising
i tried to resist the temptation
but i cannot
you're perfect
you're beautiful
your image is haunting me
i stare at you
you look so helpless
so i touched you
thinking you would fight back
you did not
why?
i pressed you
and you did not protest
did you like what i do?

Series

2008-04-09T11:42:00.010+08:00

Retaliation

OVERandOVEROVERandOVEROVERandOVEROVERandOVER
OVERandOVEROVERandOVEROVERandOVER
OVERandOVEROVERandOVER
OVERandOVER

BRINGitBACK

BRINGitBACK

BRINGitBACK

There are things that no matter how hard you think about it
You cannot bring it back to life
Unless
You would notice
I would initiate
Or
we
both
die.

Think?

***

That 2:11am Person

Basked in the darkness
This four- cornered space provides
Darkness, embraced my frail body
Wounded, hurt and in pain.

And I was catching my breath from all the misery
I felt close to sudden fatality
But it's as if there was a fresh air
I was drowning, and You saved me.

You had it, You had it all along
You said the right words
At the perfect moment
And there was clarity.

You have your way
You knew how to end the agony
And in that moment
The fire lit up, filled me again.

***

Robert Smith

melodic.
haunting
yet you sound so endearing
i'll keep you
because i need you.
i want you
until it's over.
take me wherever i can forget
the nightmare
the distress
make me dull.
from tears,
make some for me
and in all these
make me happy.

Why Don't You?

2007-08-20T14:56:00.001+08:00

Why don't you let me love you?
I've been thinking
What is happening?

Para Sa Iyo, G

2007-06-25T21:17:00.000+08:00

Nais na Kitang Layuan
Kapag nakikita Ka
ako'y umiiwas na
Pero kung uungkatin and laman ng puso
Ikaw pa rin and binubulong nito
sabihin man ng isip na Ika'y kalimutan
Pilitin man nitong wag masaktan
Sa araw- araw, Ikaw pa rin ang nais makita.

Paulit- ulit mong sabihing mahal Mo ako
Hawakan ng marahan at tignan ng direcho
kaba nararamdaman pag Ika'y dumarating
di naman malaman kung saan titingin
Suyuin Mo man ako, ako'y lalayo
Dahil may parte sa aking pusong 'di naniniwala sa Iyo
Ako, umaayaw dahil ako'y nalilito
Hindi ko na malaman kung totoo ang sinasabi Mo.

Sana minsan, maging seryoso Ka
at maging dahan dahan sa Iyong pananalita
Dahil hindi Mo alam napapagod din
Umiibig ng malalim, lahat di pinapansin
Habang ang puso ko'y umaasa pa
Sana bigyang buhay ang pag- asa
Kung hindi, ako'y pabayang umiwas na
Nang buhay ay sumaya, makahanap ng iba.

Lost.

2007-06-25T20:56:00.000+08:00

I was torn
between choosing you
bu never quite easier
because I love you
My life revolved with your all
you consumed me
until the last.

My heart ponders
on whether or not
in sudden abruptness
should I let you or not
perhaps it won't be good
then I shall leave

I was blinded
with all the suddenness
I was astonished
with words forgone
tell me where are you?
Are you still there?

Poetry Fellow

2007-06-21T16:11:00.000+08:00

hearing you speak makes me fall in love with you all over again.

Dreamily, I listened
You left me breathless.
Now, I can't stop taking heed to your poesy.
I pressed forever
Never wanting the moment to cease.

Suspek

2007-06-01T16:48:00.000+08:00

Kung sa bawat kilos
nararamdaman
ang sakit na dulot ng patalim
at ang ingay na umaalingawngaw
mula sa traydor na paligid
sumisigaw ka
malakas, pero walang may alam
sa likod ng karikitan
ay nagsisisdhing damdaming
umaapaw sa bukal
ng kaloobang
untiunting lumilitaw mula sa
pagkabalot.

Ikaw na walang alam sa
madilim, ay nagising
ng pagbuhos ng kakaibang
nilalang mula sa katawan.

Ang siyang may gawa ay umalis
walang kamalay malay
hinahabol, dahan dahan
sa paikot- ikot na daan
hanggang makita.

Ngunit siya ba talaga?

Ang Tulang Di Maisulat

2007-06-01T16:41:00.000+08:00

Maraming dahilan

Wala akong maisip
Nagloloko itong bolpen
na na gaaah
nawawalan ng tinta

kaya ang salita
imbes maisulat
naiipon, pagkatapos
nawawala

Poetry cum Letting Go

2007-06-01T14:36:00.000+08:00

Yours will forever be different
I cast my eyes at you
Hoping they send the messages
I can't write love letters
and send you notes
Yours is just so hard to understand
The spell you bind me with
Captivated by the lingering touch

Oh How Lovely!

I have yet to see
Look! What you've done to me!
I can't write a single poetry
until I met You
Now I realize
That yours will be painfully different
For I cannot have you
No letters, No notes
Because I think
everything is not mutual at all.

***

Perfection in Words

You're Perfection Personified
Words are not enough to express fully who you are
and yet with my meager, earnest attempt
I try to seize everything you are to me
In words.
It's like the sun shine
upon you
and the heavens adore you
But you never saw how foolishly I try to
captivate you in this.
There is something I have yet to understand
Which I will wholly comprehend
but now, I guess
like the bitter ends,
you the perfect one
shall never be mine.

Past is Past

2007-05-23T14:27:00.000+08:00

The F Word

From Anger, an Escape

Senseless, but Tasteful

Source of Goodness, No. Never Falters

To More Comfort

Never Better, Never Best,

The Bad in the Good

The Worst,

It Satisfies.

***

Love Lost

Never Real, Never True

But it was Love

Magical, Timeless

Until Gone...

***

CC

You, my source of wrath
The Feeling, the fusion of anger and madness
The Presence, the Smell.
The Smile.

It lingers in my memories
The Hug, the Kisses, the Love

Are they Gone?

You, the fountain of Inspiration
Like Water that Flows.
Irreplacable, Undeniable, Inescapable

The Love in Hate

My fear

goes on

and on

and on...

YOU+ME= CHEESY

2007-05-16T19:59:00.001+08:00

Everytime I look at you
I see a bright future
of us holding hands
and growing old
together.

Photoshop Poetry.

2007-05-07T14:40:00.000+08:00

War of Hearts and Minds

2007-04-20T20:22:00.000+08:00

Oh no.

This is absolutely bad for me.

I don't want to talk to youI don't want to listen to you
I don't want to watch your videos over and over again
I don't want to gush over you

I don't want to stop.

STOP BUZZING and STOP CALLING ME THOSE PET NAMES. It ticks me off

but it is sweet, and I love it when you do that.

Oh no. Here I go again.

I miss him. All the time I miss him. It's not waves, it's constant. All the time.
- Izzie Steavens

Hot Afternoon

2007-03-27T16:31:00.000+08:00

Paper Heart

When you throw a crumpled paper in a trash bin,
Does that mean it is the end of everything?
Whatever that paper contains
Rants
Raves
Scribbles
Doodles
It is important.
If you try to pick up and unravel the paper
You see memories
Childish quintessential between you and me
Ballpoint wars to your planet and mine
and the times
the times we tried to make Friends
Turn Lovers
Turn to Affection
Turn to Marriage
Then Engagement
Then to Sweethearts
I try to open and see what is inside.
I tried to unravel the mysteries of infantile tantrums
and dreams we used to keep
Underneath the sunlight in the field of dandelions.
But what difference does it make?
When you and I try to forget
the Rants
Raves
Scribbles
Doodles
we had.
We forget that once in our lives
we shared this paper
and thrown it away.
Like the memories
of puppy love
Forgone.

***

Senior Citizen

I've tried so many times to fill my life with everything important.
For the past 18 years, I've done what I think is essential
I've done this, I've done that
and to my surprise
These equated to nothing.

I tried to live life to the fullest.
I shot up high, up to the sky
to reach the stars out there for me
and to my surprise
These equated to nothing.

These are the angsts of an 18- year old Senior Citizen
Who in her life of blissfulness and sadness,
Trying to compensate the things in her life
to make things work in her life
and to make things not equate to nothing.

Filipiniana

2007-03-19T19:17:00.000+08:00

Finale

Kelan ba matatapos ang tugtugan?
Kung Kelan ako ay naliligayahan ng lubusan,
Ipagkakait mo ba ang munting sandali
Na tayo'y magsayawan
Sa saliw ng Kamatayan.
Kelan kaya madudugtungan,
ang ating kaligayahan
Kung sa bawat sandali ng nilalagi sa mundo
ay bilang na ng Kamatayan.
Sana sa mga oras na kailangan na lumisan
Huwag mo ako tuluyang iwaan
Baka sa huli ng lahat
Sasama na rin ako, hanggang kamatayan.

***

Maharot

Hindi maaring ako'y ispoilin.
Baka ang puso'y maloko at hanaphanapin
Sinabi nang madali ako matukso
Kaya pwede bang wag paglaruan ang aking puso.

Umalis ka na nga.
Ayaw kita makita.
Pero ang lahat ng ito'y kinain bigla
Habulhabulin ka'y di kayang mawala.

Magkasalubong sa isang ngitian
Isipan ay tumatakbo na kung saan saan
Doon, dito, bukas at sa kalawakan
Iniisip kung papaano ka hahawakan.

Sabi nga ni Chito
Jim, Danny at Buboy Gurrivillo
Di maiwasang gumawa ng di inaasahang bagay
pero bakit di maiwasan ang walang saysay?

Masakit mang isipin
Nasa isip ko lang mabubusisi
Kung anong pwede nating gawin
Yung tayong dalawa lang. ;)

Sociological Views

2007-03-08T02:10:00.000+08:00

In the mind of the functionalist,
you and I are of big importance to each other.
In the mind of conflict theorists,
you and I are not for each other.
In the mind of symbolic interactionists,
you and I live in codes.
In my mind,
you interferred
I became awake
you gave paper
I replied with shit
you gave signs
I shunned you away
and here I am
wasting time
thinking if you and I are really worth
the function, the conflict or symbols.
durkheim would not know
marx would not care
weber would not testify
it's up to us
to think which
one or none at all.

***

I KNOW YOU'RE GOING TO COMEBACK
AND THAT YOU THINK
I AM IGNORING YOU
BUT THE FACT THAT WE NEITHER TALK TO EACH OTHER
MAKES ME FEEL LIKE IT'S GONNA BE SO DULL.

I SO WISH YOU KNOW BEAUTIFUL.

It Serves

2007-03-08T01:57:00.000+08:00

i was hurt
because i love you
and i respect whatever you say
because after all
it wouldn't matter
to you
to them
anyway.

***

keep that away from me
make me unseeable
let it realize that i have no intentions
of hurting
it.

my mind is cramped
technicolored dreams and euphonia
that was shattered in an instance.
but it was alright.
got everything,
imperfectly.

now
i may be invisible
but it still sees
in anyway
because
it can feel.

***

Service

made five tries
but to no avail
failed.
every shot aimed was useless
every force given was pointless
and then in the sixth try
emotions explode,
sight was cleared
and i was ready
in the upsurge of desire
i aimed
i passed
i scored.

After Hiatus

2007-03-04T21:39:00.000+08:00

For John

You adore me,
As I adore you.
We speak of promises, of plans, of pleasures
But is this all we want to have?

You talk of the world you belong to
Slowly and unknowingly, you are letting me in.
You haunt my thoughts, in the most gratifying way,
It’s you I yearn for at the end of each day.

Flashes and Gold meant nothing
It is your art that you speak of so well
That has drawn me to you,
More than this, and I know, I am slowly falling.

More of the words you said
It’s the world wherein you and I revolve in.
Whether or not they see
What we have is more than what they know.

It is hard to suppress, it is hard to end,
My everyday anticipates, and I seize the world with bewilderment,
And with the push of every keys,
My life and your life seemed intertwined.

***

BB

If this is the way, my world would turn out,
After they have seen all of my secrets,
Then what would happen to me?
Am I still free?

I've gone used to seeing
People watching all the time.
But I don't care,
It's Fame and Fortune in return.

I've lost a lot.
I've fought so hard.
But why now?
Why didn't you keep me alive?

The spirit is gone
I'm ready to face the exit.
Hugs, kisses and a love forgone
And now I am back to reality.

***

In A Span

Your eyes have now seen my being
In a place I allowed you to be
We touched hands and spoke of love
But time did not allow our lips to meet
To linger the touches we made.
We’ve been so tied to the emotions around us
That we forgot to be together,
But the voice, hundreds of messages and images
Became alive in short period of time.

We now truly belong to each other
Even the 700 miles shortened in a span
The night, in a moment became truly ours
The moon and the light collided with our happiness
We are now engaged in this love
And I anticipate the time
When your other senses may find me
And your love will be multiplied
With mine.

MineYours

2007-02-24T23:21:00.000+08:00

Pangamba ng Puso

Kung anuman ang nararamdaman mo sa kasalukuyan
Pwede bang huwag mo na ituloy?
Baka madurog ang munti kong kahon.
Kahon ng alaala at pagdurusa
Na tinago ng minsan masaktan.
Kung ako ang iyong hinahanap, maaring iba na lang?
Ako ay takot sa panahon
At sawi sa nakaraan.
Nakaraang puno ng poot at pangungulila
Ngunit kung kaya mo lunukin ang lahat ng hinagpis
Sumakay ka at huwag na bumaba
Kung kaya mo tumalikod sa lahat ng pagkakataon
Para sa akin,
Gawin mo.
Marahan. Tahimik.
Yung ako at ikaw lang ang nakakaalam.
Dahil ikaw
Sa ngayon
Ang tunay na pag-ibig.

First Set

2007-02-23T00:02:00.000+08:00

Fear of the Unknown

Words are spoken, but none has been meant.
Bodies were caressed, hands were pressed
and togetherwe walk along the path of whirlwind blissfulness.
I've tried so many times, to say the words I long to utter
But time forbids
Scenes of rejection and uncertainty fills my heart
Overly thinking, quite grasping for more unlikely patterns
My life revolves
On whether or not it is true for you
Or whether I can decipher the reality
It's more of me than you
and you know that
because in reality
it is really I who loves more than you'll ever know.

***

Our Time

One AM onwards

It’s magic, when the hands of the time tick.
The moment you come in, my body shivers.
But it’s beautiful, the feeling is beautiful.
The moment you speak, the wisdom in your words,
Leaves me hanging, screaming out for more.

Two AM onwards

The touch in the tips of my fingers, the noise it makes
Such a wonderful music.
Time passes by, words are spoken.
You left me wanting, asking and at awe.
And I could not believe it.

Three AM onwards

When the entire world seems to be sleeping
It’s just you and me and our hands
Touching, tapping, gliding
To points wherever, to points we both don’t know
But it’s a wonderful feeling indeed.

Let’s sleep.
In each other’s arms.
Listening to the rain, tapping
And to the clock…

Tick
Tock
Tick
Tock

Five AM

***

Prince Charming

Does He exist?
If he does where is he?
The track that leads me to you crisscrosses
It leads to more confusion.
It leads to more jitters.
Take me to you.
Take me wherever you want to.
Because in this life of unutterably excruciating pain
My life gets better
With things I begin to wonder
If I live with you.

***

Para Sa' Yo

Sa pag dating ng liwanag sa ating tinitingala
Ikaw at ako, sa isang pantasaya
Kung saan tayo lang ang nagkakaintindihan
Kung saan tayo lang ang may alam
Nang kung ano pa mang lumalabas
Sa matatamis na labi na ginawa
Para aking lasapin ng sa langit ako ay liparin.
Ngunit alam nating hindi maari ang lahat.
Hindi dahil malayo ka ng labing dalawang pagkakataon.
Dahil tumutugtog ang ating puso
Sa bawat pag galaw ng kamay
Manipis, matinis, maganda
Ang lahat ng ito
Ay aking imahinasyon lamang
Sapagkat kahit kailan, maski paano ispin
Ikaw ay hindi magiging akin.